Howling at the Eternal Moon
by D4L3K
Summary: What if the Doctor managed to bring Reinette back with them and she was horrible to Rose? Blinded by his lust, the Doctor forgets just what Rose means to him. As Rose's only witness to pain, the Tardis teaches a lesson that will not soon be forgotten.
1. Licking Unreachable Wounds

Howling at the Eternal Moon

Chapter 1: Licking Unreachable Wounds

_You wondered how you'd make it through. I wondered what was wrong with you. Because how could you give your love to someone else, yet share your dreams with me? Sometimes the only thing you're looking for is the one thing you can't see._

_-Vanessa Williams_

Rose sat, slumped against the wall of her bedroom inside the Tardis. She stared unseeingly at the ground, hating the man she so loved and hating herself. _Stupid, stupid, stupid. Always so stupid. _Her eyes burned and she could barely breathe past the lump in her throat. Hearing a girlish, high-pitched giggle that annoyed her to no end just outside her bedroom door, Rose clapped her hands over her ears. She didn't regret the pain in the hollows of her ears. Not one bit.

Muffled voices. More laughter. Crackling silence.

Her hands fell uselessly to her sides, her hands hitting the ground with two sharp cracks. But she barely registered it. Couldn't feel the pain past the void that had replaced her heart.

She laughed. The sound devoid of emotion yet filled with bitterness, anger, and hurt. _And I'd thought I'd died when he left me without a second thought. Now this, this is really… fantastic. _This time, she laughed hysterically. Nothing could have prepared her for the manner of his return. All her joy and relief at seeing him alive and back had promptly been sucked out of her when she saw the prize he proudly exhibited. Madame de Pompadour. The reason for his departure; the reason for his return. And of course, just like when he had dashed off to play Prince Charming, he had spared her not a second glance.

_He doesn't need you any more. He loves her as he'll _never _love you. Almost a year and a half and he's already gotten tired of you. Moving on to a newer, prettier, smarter, more talented, and overall better model. _

Rose clenched her ands in her hair and bit back a scream. _Stop it! Shut up! He's not like that!_ She begged her tormented thoughts. _Even Mickey likes her._

Rose whimpered and choked on a sob. She jumped up and ransacked the bathroom. Clutching her newly found prize, she stripped down to t-shirt and pants and downed two of the extra-strength sleeping pills before crawling into bed. The Tardis hummed in concern and Rose reached up, stroking the wall above her gently. _I'll be okay, old girl. It's nothing lethal… I just need… to forget._ Feeling a sudden wave of drowsiness, Rose closed her eyes. _Don't let anyone in. Especially not him. No matter what. _She rolled over, hoping that with luck, she'd be able to sleep the next seventy or so years away and wake up in heaven or its equal. That was her last coherent thought as a calming golden light probed at the corners of her eyes…

"Doctor! Doctor! Where are you?"

_Damn,_ he thought, pulling away from Reinette with an irritated glare over his shoulder. _Rickey the Idiot strikes again. _He glanced at Reinette with a grin. Her hair was mussed and her lips slightly swollen. She wore a perfect, secretive smile. She gave him another kiss and pranced off for her ―_their_― bedroom.

"DOCTOR!" Mickey all but shrieked, his voice cracking. He didn't seem to care because he continued shouting. "Damn it, Doctor! Where the bloody hell _are_ you!"

"Here!" the Doctor shouted back tiredly with a wince. As much fun as it would have been if Mickey lost his voice, the last thing he needed was a Mickey-induced deafness. "Here!"

Mickey appeared from one of the many corridors that branched off from the one he was standing in now, looking flushed and worried. _Bloody telly probably broke or something_, the Doctor thought with amusement, momentarily forgetting that things like that didn't just break down inside the Tardis. _Good, the old girl's not helping him._ The Doctor fought off a smirk.

"What's wrong?" he asked evenly.

Mickey stared at him with a mixture of disgust, disbelief, and anger. "Been too busy snogging the new mistress to notice, huh?" he spat.

The Doctor glared back at him, anger rearing its ugly head. Before he could retort back at him, Mickey cut him off. "I never could see what she saw in you… and now, you've proved me right! Rose has been missing for _seven hours_!" Mickey yelled. "Seven bloody hours! And where were you?"

The Doctor froze. _Seven hours? _He felt a chill run though his body and suddenly, a rough Northern accent filled his mind. _And you thought everything would just be the same. Have the French woman for every waking moment and Rose off to the side to look after both of you. You left her, you sick bastard! No explanations or reassurances. Leaving her stranded on a god forsaken spaceship with only Rickey for company. And you never even apologized! Never saw the hurt in her eyes when you brought this _Reinette_ back, did you? She trusted you. _And suddenly, nine faces were shaking their heads at him, and none of them wanted to look him in the eye except for Nine. Those sharp blue eyes piercing straight through him. _I was right all along. I never deserved her. _He glowered mercilessly and suddenly the Doctor knew what his enemies felt.

He shook his head firmly. The encounter with his past selves took no longer than a nanosecond and he looked up at Mickey. "Come on," he said softly. _What have I done?_


	2. Standing Up to the Alpha

Chapter 2: Standing up to the Alpha

_IT'S FUNNY - how forever never seems to really last. __-Elizabeth Wurtzel _

Rose glared at Reinette. _What?_

"He does not need you, nor does he want you. He loves _only_ me," Reinette said with a smug smile.

"You lying―"

"When kissed you, did he hold onto you as if he'd never let go? As if he'd kill for you? _Die _for you?" Reinette asked softly with a triumphant smile.

Rose couldn't hold back a gasp of pain. Horror, sadness, hate, and disgust crashed and collided inside of her, a raging storm. _Oh Doctor, how could you?_ And she didn't chastise herself for thinking so selfishly. Not this time… because while she had slept, the Tardis had comforted her. And now, Rose remembered. _I am the Bad Wolf. _She had saved and killed him in the same day, taking his life with a kiss and saving the future with a wave of her hand… ending the war that had nearly destroyed him. She had forgotten, but he remembered. And now, she knew her own worth. _But maybe now, he's forgotten too. How much I loved him._

She wished she were asleep again. The pills should have lasted longer, but the Tardis woke her up. The Tardis had awakened the Bad Wolf so that she would not have to face the pain alone. And now, a small glimmer of the Time Vortex ran freely within her.

"Why would he ever love you when he had someone like me?" Reinette's voice pulled her back to reality. "You could never compare, you silly. Little. Girl." Reinette's eyes flashed, remind Rose of a snake.

"You can't have him forever," Rose said calmly. "He'll never be yours."

"He already is," Reinette replied with a smirk.

And Rose died a little more as she realized what the other woman meant.

"Even before we stepped aboard this… _thing_, he belonged to me," Reinette continued, primly shaking back her hair.

Rose felt a new rush of rage at the disdainful way the manipulative cow referred to the Tardis.

"In fact, it was the night when I first met you," Reinette said slowly with a sickly sweet smile.

Without thinking, Rose whipped her hand across the French mistress's face with all the strength she could muster and felt a grim satisfaction when she saw a small trickle of blood running down from the corner of those perfect red lips as Reinette fell to the floor.

"Reinette!"

Rose glanced up, past Reinette to see the Doctor and Mickey. She noticed that the Tardis had suddenly gone silent and still, and the soft green light of the console room suddenly looked violent and angry… just like the Doctor's face.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? Who do you think you are?" he yelled, storming towards her. From the floor, Reinette threw her a smug look, safely out of the Doctor's sight. Then she whimpered softly. The Doctor dropped to his knees beside his new lover. "Oh, Reinette." He stroked her face and tenderly wiped away the blood. Rose felt sick and looked away.

Mickey stared at Rose silently, disgust distorting his features. "What's _wrong_ with you, Rose? I _defended_ you to him!" he said, looking away from her as if she were a dirty, filthy monster.

Rose stared at the two men she cared about the most in the universe, lost for words. They had rejected her, automatically assuming _she_ was the guilty one. This was the deepest cut of all. And she decided to never explain what happened… not even if the Tardis begged her to try and make things right. Because they would never believe her and only assume the worst of her. They had truly abandoned her when she needed someone to care.

She wanted to cry, but the Bad Wolf inside would not let her. She lifted her head in solemn self-pride, realizing that in that instant, she held more power than even the Doctor. _You are not alone, Rose. You will never be alone again. Even with all his wisdom the Doctor has been blinded by a beautiful face and the prospect of escaping his loneliness_, the Bad Wolf whispered, her voice filled with the wisdom of the stars.

_But he had me… _and _the Tardis. Weren't we enough?_

_My dear Rose. Apart from the Tardis, you were the most precious thing in his life. He couldn't bear to risk having a relationship like that with you because he was afraid of what would happen when he lost you one day. His lust for this woman could _never_ compare for the love he harbors for you._

Rose blinked away unshed tears. _But he says he loves her._

_There are different kinds of love, Rose. With different kinds of power._

_What do I do?_

The Bad Wolf remained silent.

"I never thought you of all people could be so vain, Rose!" the Doctor shouted in revulsion.

Rose blinked. She had witnessed his fury so many times now, but never like this and never directed at her. She glanced at Reinette who was weeping profusely and realized that the older woman had probably made up some cock-bull story about what had taken place between them while she had stood conversing with the Bad Wolf. Rose found that she could care less. Even if she _had_ been paying attention, her words would have made no difference, except maybe to direct more hatred toward herself.

"I don't know you anymore," the Doctor said quietly.

_You always have a choice, Rose. And _I _will never abandon you_, whispered the Bad Wolf.

Without hesitation, Rose replied, "I don't know you either, Doctor." She saw the hurt in his eyes and something that almost resembled regret. "Take me home."


	3. Good Wolf, Bad Wolf, and Golden Guardian

Chapter 3: Good Wolf, Bad Wolf, and Golden Guardian

_You hug him good-bye like it's nothing... while all you want to do is hold on forever...but you let go, smile and walk away... then cry all the way home because you know it will never be the same... because try as you might you can't make someone love you, sometimes you have to let them be free... and letting go, that is when love hurts the most of all. __-Unknown_

He gaped at her. "What?" This wasn't what he had wanted. An apology, maybe. A heated argument where she denied Reinette's story, but not this.

"It's time. Take me home." Her beautiful face revealed nothing and he found his hearts breaking at the graceful way she held herself high. Her voice was soft and she didn't even bother to say his name.

"Rose," he said softly. _Don't let her go! _Nine shouted desperately.

"Don't," she warned. And without a second glance, she walked away from all of them, stopping only when she reached the consoles. Lightly and lovingly, she stroked the Tardis. "Take me home, my loyal friend."

And that was the most painful moment he had ever known. Rose… asking the Tardis to take her home rather than beg him or even utter his name. She wouldn't even look at him. And to his everlasting shock, the Tardis began moving. _Stop it, old girl! Please! Don't let her go!_

_Why should I listen to you?_ His ship replied coldly. And swiftly, a blinding silver light from the consoles merged with the sudden flare of golden light surrounding Rose as she was lifted gently up into the air.

"Doctor? What's going on?" Mickey asked fearfully, forgetting his cutting remarks and disgust at Rose.

"It's… it's the Time Vortex! This is how Rose saved my life last time. This is how she saved the earth!" the Doctor responded in disbelief.

Reinette eyed Rose speculatively.

Suddenly, Rose opened her gold-tinted eyes.

"Rose," the Doctor murmured in despair. "What've you done?"

"Rose did not do this…. It is I, the Tardis." Her voice was strong and soft, powerful and musical, full of wisdom and knowledge. Terrible and beautiful all at the same time.

"Why, old girl?" the Doctor demanded mournfully. "You'll kill her!" the Doctor exclaimed, taking a step toward Rose.

Reinette brightened considerably at this, but no one noticed save the Tardis.

"I would never hurt her! I'm not like you!" the Tardis accused.

The Doctor faltered, unable to meet her luminous eyes. "She's changed."

"It is _you_ who has changed, my dear Time Lord," the Tardis replied. "Blinded by your _lust_, you threw away the one thing in your life that you used to treasure above all else."

"Are you talking about you or Rose?" the Doctor asked scathingly, finding that he hated his beloved ship just a little for wounding him so. "I never thought _you_ could feel jealous."

"A part of my soul lives inside Rose, Doctor… or have you forgotten the Bad Wolf?"

He looked away quickly. A part of him _had_ forgotten.

"You left us both behind." Her voice was mild. No contempt.

"I had to!" he protested. "I couldn't just leave those humans to die!"

"And we both understood that. Why do you think Rose never brought it up with you? She didn't demand an explanation, nor did she argue… not even when you brought the French woman aboard. She hid her pain from you so that _you_ would not feel guilty. So that you wouldn't feel hurt for abandoning her for the eighteenth century mistress." The Tardis turned her glowing gaze upon the woman in question and Reinette cowered before her.

_I can see all, human. I can see right through your tiny existence. Every thought, every memory, every motive. Tell me, exactly how did you climb to power? _Reinette looked away, remembering every single move, every word, every person she used, every action she had taken to become mistress to the king. Under the gaze of the golden creature, she felt the shame that had never plagued her mind. _You are not as innocent as you want my companions to believe. But I know the truth. Do not believe for a second that you will succeed. You might actually love him a little in your own twisted way, but he is my Doctor and you will not hurt him. _Reinette glared at the creature. _I have more power than you could ever imagine. _And inside her mind's eye, Reinette saw this same creature… this goddess turning a fleet of aliens that even the Doctor could not defeat into fine, gold dust with a single thought. _You are treading in dangerous territory. _With that, the golden time goddess turned back to the Doctor.

The Doctor knelt by Reinette, looking at her in worried concern and with a start, she realized she was crying. He reached out toward her, but she shied away from his touch, afraid of what the glowing goddess might do.

"What did you do to her?" the Doctor demanded.

"Nothing," the Tardis replied. "I merely spoke to her about the truth."

"What truth?" Anger radiated from his voice.

"You forget how much I can see, my Doctor. The things she would not show you when you were inside her mind is an open book to me. I know exactly who she is. Her thoughts, her wishes, her… _motives_." The Tardis narrowed her eyes, looking at him intensely. She lowered Rose's chin slightly. "You might think you know her, Doctor, but you have no idea. One moment of insight in which she entered your mind and you think you found all you needed to know. But who is she, Doctor? Does she love humanity more than she loves herself? Does she care for others out of love? Is she a fighter? Does she love you with all of her heart? Would she be willing to sacrifice her life without a second thought if it meant saving you?"

The Doctor stood slowly. "I don't know." His hearts cracked. He thought of Rose, applying her every action to each question.

The Tardis smiled sadly. "When Rose looked into my heart, I saw her love for life and for you. She begged me to help her… to save you. And when I told her the consequences of letting me join my powers with her mind, she agreed without question. That's who Rose Tyler is, Doctor. That's how good she is."

The Doctor lowered his gaze in regret as the Tardis turned toward Mickey. _Rose loves you and you love her, but it is not what you once had. You both fell into this relationship because of the bond you had shared since childhood, but you and I both know she was never the one for you. You have to learn to let her go. She regards you as one of her closest friends. She trusts you. You, like the Doctor, have been blinded by a beautiful woman who is used to being the center of everything. Do not forget all that you've been through. Remember._

Mickey stared at the Tardis who was inside Rose. _Why are you so nice to _me?_ Look at how horrible you made him feel… and he's your master or whatever!_

_Master is not exactly the proper word. More like companion. _The Tardis smiled. _And, he _should_ feel horrible. He left you, me, _and_ Rose for someone he barely knows. And he's forgotten all of us. He has forgotten everything Rose has done for him and how much we all matter. The French woman is not an innocent. She is not a very good person. _

_What do you mean?_ Mickey asked with a frown. He looked at Reinette who was still cowering on the floor.

The Tardis shook Rose's head.

_Well, I kept telling her he's just a regular bloke, but she never wanted to hear it. I told her to leave him and this life behind… and now, he's gone and done this. _Mickey scoffed.

_Rose was made for this life… _the Tardis answered, not unkindly. _But you may have a point._ She turned away from him suddenly.

The Doctor was helping Reinette get back on her feet, his face set in grim determination and concern… and something that looked like care. The same expression he reserved only for Rose whenever she got hurt. Reinette was leaning back into him deliberately, with a small smile.

Inside, the Tardis felt Rose's heart breaking all over again and the Tardis made up her mind.


	4. Mate for Life

Chapter 4: Mate for Life

_And I wish that you could be the one I die with. -Daniel Bedingfield_

_How could he? _Rose asked mournfully.

_Because sometimes even _he_ can be a downright fool,_ the Tardis replied, her melodious voice shaking with anger. _Rose, that despicable woman will destroy him. She will destroy everything! Already he has changed history for her!_

Rose felt a spurt of power sparking through her blood. _What do I have to do?_

The Tardis laughed softly. _My strong human child. You never cease to amaze me. _Her smile flashed through Rose's mind. _Please don't ever change._

_I'll try not to, _Rose replied. Because she knew that loving the Doctor and expecting nothing more than what they'd had already changed her. And it would keep changing her until she learned to live with the pain.

_Rose._ The Tardis's voice echoed in her heart. _What are you willing to do to save him again?_

_Whatever I must, _Rose replied without hesitation. She felt the Tardis's pride warming her blood.

_Even if it means losing him forever?_

_What do you mean? _Rose asked in confusion.

The Tardis showed her her plan. _Will you do it?_

_Yes. If it'll save him, I'll do whatever you ask._

_Good._

xoxox

"Let Rose go," the Doctor said softly. Not quite a command, but not quite a plea either. He moved toward the Tardis after a reassuring glance at Reinette. The Tardis could practically feel the smugness radiating off the other woman and she glanced at Reinette with mild passiveness. _I could turn you to dust with but a thought, _she told the French woman and was pleased to see a sudden wild fear in her eyes.

The Tardis glance up. The Doctor was only two feet away. She deliberately stepped back. She felt only a tiny, passing guilt when she saw the bruised look in his chocolate eyes. "You will never hurt Rose again. I will not let you. I am her protector."

The Doctor froze. "What do you mean?" A note of panic rang in his voice.

"You forfeited the right to keep her the moment you left her. Now, it is my turn to keep her safe… from you," the Tardis replied with an intense stare. The Doctor could feel the power washing into the room from the Tardis. "She could have stayed with you forever, you know."

"What do you mean, 'forever'?"

She looked at him in sadness and disappointment. "Before you took most of the Vortex from her, I gave her a gift. I could not bear the thought of Rose leaving you. When I was in her mind, I was overwhelmed by how strongly she loved you. I have never encountered any human who loved you as much as I do. So I left a piece of myself to dwell in the core of her mind."

"That's why you were able to connect with her again!" the Doctor deducted. "So, those rare moment when I saw a tiny fleck of gold in her eyes, I wasn't just imagining things?" he laughed humorlessly, shooting her an accusing look. The Tardis shrugged it off. Telling him that had only been for his peace of mind.

"The gift I gave her was as close to immortality as any human will ever get."

"Immortality?" Reinette broke in. The greed in her eyes was so strong, even the Doctor looked away in disgust.

"She would have lived as long as you did," the Tardis said. "The one companion who could stay by your side for the rest of your life."

The Doctor stared at her slack jawed. "What?"

"I'm sorry, Doctor. Now I see how wrong I was for bestowing this gift. I almost destroyed her."

"What?" the Doctor repeated.

"Maybe I was wrong about her too." The Tardis indicated Reinette who suddenly brightened up again. "I think it would be best if Rose left."

"What?" the Doctor practically screamed.

"I take back my gift." There was a flash of bright light. "And because of my mistake and my love for this human child, I give her new life."


	5. The Lonely Hunter

Chapter 5: The Lonely Hunter

_Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. __-Kahlil Gibran_

"New life?" The Doctor was devastated. _She could have stayed with me forever. My Rose._

"She is no longer your Rose, Doctor."

He looked at her in surprise.

"She will never be again. I said I would protect and I will. Her pain, her grief, her happiness, her love… I take it all." The Tardis spread Rose's arms.

"Wait! Stop! What are you doing?" the Doctor shouted, his voice more than a little shrill.

"Erasing you from her memorizes." Without another word, the Tardis closed her eyes. An unearthly light enveloped Rose and she was lifted into the air once more. Tendrils of colors and escalating voices filled with laughter and sorrow swirled around the cocooned figure.

The Doctor stood rooted in place, his hearts pounding mercilessly against his chest, crumbling into dust with ever phrase of their shared past that echoed throughout the room.

"_Better with two."_

"_I'm so glad I met you." "Me too."_

"_You remember? Hopping for our lives? Hopping…"_

"_I'm sorry."_

"_Run!" _

"_That's a stupid kind of. Am I being rude again?" "Yep."_

"_I can feel the turn of the earth."_

"_So I'm still the Doctor then?" "No arguments from me!"_

"_I could save the world but lose you." "Do it."_

"_Why is there an apple in my dressing gown?"_

"_I'm left traveling on my own 'cause there's no one else left." "There's me."_

"_You got the moves? Show me your moves?"_

"_I want you safe… my Doctor."_

"_Am. I. Ginger?" "No. You're just sort of… brown."_

"_Traveling with you… I love it." "Me too."_

"_The Doctor showed me a better way of living your life."_

"_Rose?" "Yes, Doctor?" "I'm coming to get you."_

"_You can't spend the rest of your life thinking about the Doctor." "But how do I forget him?"_

"Like this," whispered the Tardis.

Suddenly, the light exploded into tiny stars, fading into nothingness the moment they landed. Rose was gently lowered to the floor.

"Rose," the Doctor breathed, rushing toward her.

Her eyes snapped open. "Who are you?"


	6. Pursuing Means NEVER Giving In

Chapter 6: Pursuing Means _Never_ Giving In

_The saddest thing in the world is loving someone who used to love you. __-Anonymous_

"How do you know my name?"

The Doctor took a step toward her and winced when she immediately backed away from him as though he was death itself. "Rose, it's me. The Doctor."

"What is that? Some weird code name?" Rose laughed. "Where am I?"

"Inside the Tardis," the Doctor replied. His whole body felt numb. _My Rose._

"The Tardis," Rose repeated softly. Suddenly, she glared up at the Doctor. "She says you're keeping me here against my will… and I don't have to stay."

The Time Lord looked at the Tardis consoles in surprise. "That's not exactly―"

"You hurt me." A blatant accusation.

The Doctor opened his mouth, but could not speak.

Mickey found his voice. "Rose, we're in the Powell Estates right now. If you want to go home, all you have to do is walk through that door." He jerked his head in the direction of the door. The Doctor glowered at him, but Mickey didn't care. Protecting Rose was all that mattered and the Tardis had just given him his golden opportunity. _Who's to say there won't be another Madame de Pompadour?_

Rose stared at him for a few seconds. "Thank you… whoever you are."

Mickey's eyes widened in shock. "What do you mean by _that?_ You… don't know who I am?"

Rose blinked. "Should I?"

The Doctor sniggered hysterically. "Rickey the Idiot!"

Rose shot the Doctor a venomous look that shut up him instantly. She turned to Mickey. "Your name's Rickey?"

"It's Mickey. Minus the idiot part." He glared at the dejected looking Doctor and smiled smugly.

"Well, thanks. And… um… bye!" She turned around, with not a care in the world and walked toward the blue door.

_What are you doing? _The Northern accent again. _Stop her! Don't let her walk out of your life like this!_

"Rose! Wait!"

She didn't stop.

"Rose!" He ran toward her and grabbed her arm, twisting her around to face him.

"Let go of me!" she screamed, pushing and pulling all at the same time, looking as if his touch burned her. "Let go!" She shoved at him with her free arm and he caught it easily, holding her close.

The Tardis's hum grew louder around them in concern. Mickey was shouting in the background. Words like "old geezer" and "arrogant" and "complete nutcase" along with those of the colorful four-letter variety slipped into his brain, but the Doctor tried to ignore most of that pesky voice.

"Don't leave me," he begged. "Please."

"You're mad! All of you! Now let me go!" Rose shouted.

"But I need you."

And suddenly, everything went quiet.

Rose stared at him in silence. For a moment, the Doctor felt hope. But she shook her head in disgust and wonder. "No you don't. You only want to keep me around so that when _she_ gets too boring for you, you'll have me as backup, you selfish bastard!" She struggled against him with renewed fervor. "Let go of me!"

"Rose… that's not true," he said softly, though in his heart, he knew that maybe there was some truth to what the Tardis told her.

"Don't!" she spat. "Don't even _try _to deny it! Get your hands off me! You are a disgrace to males everywhere! I hate all of you! You think you can just treat people like trash. I made the mistake of trusting someone like you once and I won't do it again! Now get the hell away from me!"

He stared at her in confusion, his grip slackening a little. "What do you mean, 'trusting someone like me once'?"

"None of your damned business! Let go of me you filthy liar!" She tried to knee him, but he pressed her back into the railing.

"I can't."

She stopped struggling and looked at him scathingly. "What do you mean you _can't_? All you have to do is step back and release my bloody hands!"

"I can't let you go," he responded softly. "I'm not losing you again."

"What are you _talking _about? You never had me to begin with!" Now she was just looking at him as if he was completely off his rocker.

"How do you think you got here?" he asked pointedly. "It's not like I forced―"

"You kidnapped me," Rose interrupted.

Mickey burst into laughter.

"What?" It was so ridiculous, the Doctor almost felt like laughing. "I would never… kidnap! What!" he sputtered. "Me… kidnap? As if I couldn't find someone who wanted to travel with me ―which you did!"

"Yeah, right," she snorted. "Me choosing a crazy egomaniac like you?" She scoffed.

"Rose!" He shook her gently. "Think about what I'm saying. What _you're_ saying! None of what the Tardis is telling you makes any sense! Why would I kidnap you and keep you here like this if there's and exit door _right there_? Why would I bring someone like _him_ along if all he wants is you? Why would I keep you here against your will as 'backup'?"

"Because you're mad! Completely bonkers! I don't know!" Rose shouted.

"Unless you chose to come with me in the first place! The Tardis erased your memories!" he went on as if she hadn't spoken.

"I don't care, you creepy, delusional bastard! I trust _her_ more than I will _ever_ trust you!"

"Why?" he asked in hurt disbelief.

"Because when you touch me ―like you're doing _right now_― it makes me _sick_!" she screeched, trying to push him away with her shoulder.

The Doctor stood frozen in stunned silence. But he didn't let her go because he knew that if he were to loosen his grip on her, he would lose her forever. And even if she didn't know it any more, she was still the most important person in his life.

Rose tried squirming, twisting, and shoving, but nothing would make him let her go. He held onto her arms and looked down into her eyes, trying to make her understand that he would never let her go… not like this with so many words left still unsaid.

Mickey and Reinette were frozen in bemused awe behind them, watching the spectacle.

The Doctor sneaked a glance at Reinette. She really wasn't who he had thought she was. The Tardis had revealed that. He had wanted to believe that she was perfect for him, but the Tardis brought out things in her that he would never have known until it was too late. The Tardis had hinted that she had ulterior motives for being with him and that what they shared wasn't true love. Even then, he had hoped that maybe, the old girl was wrong. But then, he had seen for himself her greed, the way she looked at Rose. Unbeknownst to anyone else, the Tardis had extended her empathic field to him so that he could see Reinette's thoughts in the few moments before she had taken Rose's memories. Her hate for Rose was so strong, that it overwhelmed him.

Rose broke through his thoughts.

She bit him. He stared down at her in half-amusement and sorrow. She really hated him now… so much that she was trying anything to break free from his touch.

"Let me go!" she screamed.

Her stubbornness still amazed him.

She twisted her hands, trying to free them from his grasp.

The way her hand always found its way into his warmed his hearts and lived in the few dreams he had in those rare moments of sleep.

Rose glared at him.

Her eyes, so large and deep. He loved those eyes. They could always melt his hearts and shatter his resolve.

She was hissing threats at him now.

The things that came out of that mouth never ceased to surprise and delight him. And he loved the way she poked her tongue out when she was concentrating hard on something.

Rose looked down for a second and smirked up at him, her hair framing her beautiful face.

And he realized just how much he adored looking up from the consoles each day to see her smiling at him affectionately, her eyes sparkling just for him.

She stomped hard on his left foot and he let out a startled yelp of pain.

She always knew how to catch him off guard.

"Rose," he said softly, loving the way her name tasted in the cool confines of his mouth. He let go of her hands and wrapped his arms around her before she could even blink.

This was what he loved most. Hugging her as if he'd never let go, feeling her heart pound against his chest, feeling her warmth, wrapped up in her scent and in her love.

She stood unresponsively in his arms, too shocked to move.

He held her close and breathed in the fragrance of her hair. He moved his head a little, his mouth at her ear. "I can't let you go, Rose. I won't." And he gently kissed her temple, letting his mind merge with hers, calling out to the Tardis. _Give her back to me, old girl. Please._

_Wha… are you in my mind? _Rose asked dazedly.

_Yes… sorry. _

And suddenly, the Tardis was standing before them, enveloped in a golden light. Mickey started and jumped back. Reinette gasped.

"Why, Doctor? Why do you want her back?" The Tardis's voice reverberated through his hearts and soul.

He looked down at his beloved, young companion. Rose glanced up at him in confusion. He smiled at her and looked back at the Tardis. "Because I love her."


	7. Tracking Echoes

Chapter 7: Tracking Echoes

_Without you I'll never feel the love inside of me._

_-Ben Jelen_

Rose felt as if at any moment, her eyes would just pop out of her skull.

This strange bloke who was holding her close… _too close_… was staring at her with his deep, dark eyes. "I love you," he said. She felt as if she could see forever in those chocolate pools. "I never told you, and I guess I never really wanted to. Maybe you've forgotten, but I told you once that you could spend the rest of your life with me, even though I can't spend the rest of mine with you."

Rose frowned. _Well that made sense. _

He laughed, his eyes sparkling. _Glad to know you haven't forgotten sarcasm. _

Rose glared at him.

_It doesn't matter what it means…. Other than that we don't have forever. And that I meant what I said. I still mean it. _

"Before, I would never even have thought about being with you… this way. Maybe you don't understand now… but I know you understood before that the reason I never admitted to anything I felt was because I'm going to live too long.

"I'm a coward, Rose. I've always stayed detached because I knew that one day, everyone would leave me." He gently tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, his every motion filled with tenderness and love.

"My companions have come and gone and each time, I'm always the one left behind. I buried the pain and tried to move on the best I could…" he closed his eyes. His voice was now no more than a mere whisper.

"But you could never forget," Rose whispered. Despite her earlier outbursts, she felt her heart breaking for this strange, lonely man. Almost unconsciously, her hands lifted to his hearts. She was surprised to find that she wasn't surprised that he had two hearts…. But then again, she had known something was very wrong when her mind had so easily accepted the fact that this… Tardis could speak to her inside her mind.

The Doctor's eyes snapped open, his gaze filled with astonishment and pain. _How can you still understand?_

Rose didn't know the answer to that, so she remained silent. Underneath her fingertips, his hearts sped up. _You say you love me… why? I'm nothing more than a nineteen-year-old shop girl with no prospects… at least I _was_ before you kidnapped me. _She grinned up at him.

_I did _not_ kidnap you._

_Fine, but you _are _avoiding the question. _Her mind filled with soft laughter.

He looked at her in admiration, his eyes turning serious. _When I first met you, I was a broken man. The war had nearly destroyed me, and I was left lonelier than I had ever been. I was the only survivor, and I was left wondering why. But then, I found you... and you fixed me. _"You gave me a reason to smile again." He stared down into her dark, soulful eyes, but didn't say, _you gave me a reason to live again_.

She would never know just how much he needed her, how much he loved her. What it meant for him just to have someone in the Tardis with him each and every single day after those darkened hours when all he could think about was how he had killed his own people. She would never know that before she came along, death had engulfed his heart; that he had spent years flinging himself into danger's arms, hoping that something, _anything_ would end the pain. She would never know that she had all but filled the emptiness inside of him until he wasn't sure whether he would ever be able to deny her anything ever again. That he would destroy an entire universe just to be with her. She lived inside his dreams and deep within his hearts. And he would fight for her, die for her…_ live_ for her.

And the Doctor knew that he could never let her go without killing a part of himself.

He didn't tell Rose any of these things and he hoped that he would never have to because they scared him more than anything else he had ever experienced.

How was it possible to love a human so much?

He didn't voice these thoughts to Rose… but the Tardis heard.


	8. The Hunt Begins

Chapter 8: The Hunt Begins

Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so.

-David Grayson

Rose stared out at the man she loved from behind a soft golden haze. He was gazing at her so sincerely, looking at her the way he had always looked at her. In his dark brown eyes, she could see everything… everything that she had meant to him and everything that she still meant to him.

He had changed. And once, she had been hurt by that. Hurt and just a little bit angry. But now, everything was different. S_he _was different. He had changed but so had she. It wasn't just the Bad Wolf. It was so much more than that. Even without the power of time running through her veins, she finally understood.

She was strong.

She was brave.

She was Rose Tyler.

The Tardis stared at her beloved Time Lord in silence. She looked at the brave, beautiful human child called Rose that she had come to love –or a feeling as close to love as the Tardis could manage- as much as her Doctor. And she had meant what she'd told him. No one would hurt Rose this way… _especially_ not him.

She had known he would love Rose the moment she stepped inside her doors. The Tardis had known then that he would love her as he had never allowed himself to love before. Rose would be more than just another companion. She would be more than just another human girl who would travel with him and run alongside him in danger.

The Tardis knew then as she knew now that Rose lived inside his very hearts… and he was afraid. Her Doctor. Always so afraid of being hurt. Always hiding from his emotions. Always pretending. Remnants of Rose's memories echoed through the Tardis's soul.

Wither and die, indeed.

The Tardis glared at her Doctor. He really was quite stupid sometimes. _You won't get her back so easily, my dear Time Lord. Words… they're meaningless. You hide behind them whenever your hearts are in question. They're your mask. Rose is worth so much more. You won the French mistress over by _showing_ her how much you want her. Now, you must do the same for Rose. _

The Doctor's eyes widened. _What are you talking about?_

The Tardis smiled at him, always an enigma.

_I love her._

The deep, rich lilt of the Tardis's laugh echoed throughout the console room. _Prove it._

The Doctor frowned. _And how exactly would I do that?_

_I'm sure you'll figure something out, Doctor. _The Tardis raised her left hand and waved it slowly, the air around her shimmering like a thousand star systems burning away.

Rose gasped sharply as she was gently, but firmly pulled out of the Doctor's arms by an invisible force.

"Rose!" he shouted, reaching for her hand.

She turned toward the Tardis.

_Save her, Doctor. Save her from her pain._

"ROSE!" he cried, frozen, too stunned to move.

A brilliant flash…

… And she was gone.


	9. The Persistent Predator

**Chapter 9: The Persistent Predator**

_And then I felt sad because I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can't ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older and you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it's already happened.- Elizabeth Wurtzel_

Rose Tyler stood under a beautiful, soft pink and purple sky, enjoying the whispering of the gentle wind across her bare arms and face. She smiled and closed her eyes, unmoving, as the lush tall grass tickled her legs. Her silky white dress skimmed mid-thigh, floating in the brilliant sunset.

She opened her eyes.

An ocean of green, green grass stretched all around her for miles and miles on end, rolling and dancing like emerald waves. She laughed in pure delight.

She let herself fall back, collapsing on ground as soft as a pile of feathers. She had never felt more at peace. She never wanted to leave. This was where she belonged… where she wanted to spend eternity. No pain, no sadness… nothing but peace. No one but her and the ageless golden song echoing through her mind…

whowhowhowhowhowho

"Where is she?" he yelled.

_Somewhere safe. _The Tardis smiled mildly.

"Give her back to me!"

_I can't do that, Doctor. I told you that you would have to prove to me exactly how much you love her. _

"Why?" he demanded. "I told you I loved her!" _I've never said those words to another companion. What more do you want from me? _

The Tardis tilted her head slightly and merely smiled, her deep eyes shining with eternity.

_I never even said it to Reinette._ He closed his eyes.

_A very wise choice, indeed, Doctor._

His dark brown eyes snapped open, flashing with anger. _I care about her. You can't change that. You can't manipulate things to your own wishes!_

The Tardis laughed softly. _No, Doctor. That is what you do._

He faltered.

_Seeing all her faults won't make me love Rose anymore!_

The Tardis stopped smiling. _How could you say that, Theta? _

He immediately regretted what he'd shouted in his fit of anger. _I didn't mean it like that._

_You think that that is the point of all this? _She went on, brushing off his weak attempt at an apology. _Getting you to love Rose more? _She laughed, this time, her voice terrible. _I would fail miserably at that, and we both know it. You already love Rose as much as anyone could ever love another_, she said mildly.

He opened his mouth… only to close it at the flare of light in her golden eyes.

_I do not care what you feel for that woman after all of this._

_After what? _He asked sharply.

_I just want you to stop hurting Rose. _She said simply, ignoring his question. _Either tell her the truth, Doctor, or lie to her and tell her that she is just another companion. Then let her decide if she wants to see the rest of time and space with you, or learn to move on… without you._

He gaped at her.

_I am tired, Doctor. Tired of standing by and watching you hurt the girl who so readily shared her soul with me to save you. Tired of watching her cry and mourn quietly for all that she has lost. Each night, it is I, who comforts her in her dreams and it is I, who sings to her to try and make up the silence that is all that you dare give her. _

His hearts throbbed at her words. Why couldn't he talk to her once in a while and try to make things better? Why couldn't he stop being so high and mighty and just talk things through? Why couldn't he stop being so selfish and just hold her –for once– when all she could feel was death and pain?

_I am tired of watching you pretend while all she can do is stay silent and bare her pain alone. Tired of feeling her heartbreak whenever you shatter all pretense of closeness. She cries in her dreams, Doctor. All she wants is your love. Is that really so hard to give? _

_One day, she will not be there, standing next to you holding your hand. She will break. Not from the horrors, but from all the pent up emotion with no one to talk to about but a phantom song inside her dreams. Can you really live with the knowledge that you could have just loved her properly while you still could? You want her to stay with you for the rest of her life. You will never admit that to anyone. But _I _know. If you do not give her _something_, will she really choose to stay with you for that long? Especially when you have just shown her that it is not so much that you cannot _allow_ yourself to love her, but that you just do not?_ The Tardis glanced pointedly at Reinette.

_That's not true! _He cried desperately, trying to push back the guilt from all the shattering images the Tardis was painting inside his mind.

_Isn't it? _She asked.

_No. I love Rose._ It all sounded so weak. How could he have just cast her off like that? How could he not have seen her pain? When did he become such a selfish bastard? When had he forgotten that while he was used to shutting out love, Rose deserved so much more?

_Prove it, Doctor. Save her. Do not make me watch her suffer again. I will not do it. I cannot._

He glanced up at her pleading eyes and suddenly understood. _Is this why you took her memories? _

_Selfish me, _the Tardis said sadly. _But I could not watch her cry anymore. I could not stand another day of feeling her heartbreak! I wanted her to be happy. That is all that I have ever wanted for her. _

_I'm sorry._ He said softly. _So sorry. _

The Tardis smiled gently, but her eyes were still serious. _I will not help you, Doctor. This time, it is up to you to bring her back._

"Bring her back?" he asked with a confused frown. _Bring her back from where?_

The Tardis averted her gaze. _Death is your constant companion, Doctor. And sometimes, even I cannot keep him out. Ever since Rose became the Bad Wolf, he has been haunting her dreams. That is why I always stand guard in her mind, ready to pull her out of his grasp. But with each passing day, it has grown more and more difficult. For a while, I thought that maybe, his foothold inside her mind was just growing stronger, but now I fear that it is her will to stay that has waned. _

_What are you saying? _He asked slowly, his hearts all but stopping.

_I am the one who should apologize, Doctor. I have sent her to the one place where she can end it all. I have delivered her, literally to death's door. I seized upon the strongest wish inside her heart and gave it to her. _

_What was that? _He demanded, dreading the answer.

_Eternal peace._

_TBC..._


	10. Lost Trail

Chapter 10: Lost Trail

Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.

-Stephen Vincent Benet

_I am sorry, Doctor. But I do not think that even Rose knows that the peace she so desperately seeks is being given to her through Death. She is strong, and I know without a doubt that she would never seek Death just to escape pain. She is too brave for that. He is playing with her mind… so desperate to get her because of the sacrifice she made that day. All of that power… in the hands of a human girl. _

_The tremors were felt throughout the fabric of existence, and it drew him in so quickly. I felt him as we turned the Daleks to dust, but how could I have know that he was not there to take life, but greedily watching Rose? Even as the Time War drew to a close, as you kissed the power away from Rose, he drew ever nearer. As I was torn from Rose, he seized the moment to slip into her mind. _

_Much later, when I finally realized who the dark presence dwelling in her mind was, it was already too late. He had such a strong hold upon her, whispering to her every night, flooding her mind with terrible images. Whole civilizations burning to ashes, worlds screaming as he swooped over them in the darkness, people shrieking as he choked the life from them so slowly. He overwhelmed her, and she had no one to turn to._

"She had me," the Doctor said softly.

_She could not tell you. He made her live it over and over again only to wake up with nothing… no memory but a distant terror. What could she tell you, Doctor?_

"Why didn't you say something?" he asked, his voice filled with pain.

_What could I have said, Doctor? That Death was haunting Rose? _The Tardis laughed humorlessly._ If even I could not banish him, what could you have done? I only did what I could, drowning away his whispers with the song of Time, hoping that she would work up the will to tell you. But she never did, and he grew stronger. I wanted to help her, but she did not want to tell you._

_Where is she? _The Doctor asked brokenly, his entire body aching to reach her.

_Only you would know that._

He stared at her in silence. _How do I save her, if I don't even know where to look?_

_You will find her where her spirit truly dwells. Where her heart, her soul lives… where she is strongest. Where she feels safest._

He stumbled backwards in despair, holding onto the edge of the console for support.

"Where's Rose?" Mickey asked slowly, his voice tinged with calm fury.

The Doctor opened his mouth, but found he couldn't speak. He was lost, so lost in the horror of facing everything without Rose.

"Doctor?" Reinette said softly.

Just hearing her voice sent a pang coursing through his body. _I will never fully regret what we shared,_ he told the Tardis tiredly.

_Funny. Rose told me that jealousy had never been in this particular story. You should have heard some of the things she said, Doctor. Thank Rassilon I do not have a proper beating heart because the things she said were enough to make me feel pain in places I never knew I had. _

_She did not blame you for falling in love with _her_. Rose only wished that you could have just said something, goodbye, _anything_ before you crashed through that godforsaken mirror without a backward glance. She believed that you could never love her as anything more than perhaps a close friend. After meeting Sarah Jane, she learned never to expect much more from you. And even though it hurt her, she told me not to worry because she would be okay._

He clenched his fists. He never wanted to tell her so harshly. _Wither and die… Yelling at her when I had never fully explained it. How could I have been so brutal about it?_

_She understood, nonetheless. She still does. I know she hurts over what you told her and how you told her, but I think what hurts her more is that she will never be able to stay with you. That no matter how hard she tries, she will never be able to cure you of _your _hurt and loneliness. Because now she has seen for herself that no matter how many companions you have had or how many you will have, they will all leave you behind. And she is so torn because she knows that one day, she will do the same. She has learned that jealousy is impossible to feel because how could she hate you for wanting to feel happy?_

He stared at the Tardis, his heart so full and so empty and so broken at her words. _Oh, Rose. My strong, brave Rose. _His eyes filled with unexpected tears.

_Rose never quite felt an equal to her. _The Tardis nodded her head in Reinette's direction. _She is talented and stately… accomplished and intelligent… beautiful. _

"_Everything I'm not." _Rose's voice echoed between them.

_That's not true!_ The Doctor exclaimed. _How could she think that?_

The Tardis looked up at the ceiling. _You tell me how, Doctor. _

"Doctor," Reinette said softly, touching his arm gently.

He recoiled in surprise. "Don't," he snapped, his voice sharper than he had intended.

Her eyes darkened and for a moment, he thought he caught a glimpse of something… something akin to hatred, but it vanished as quickly as it had appeared, and a flicker of hurt flashed across her pale features.

Stunned by what he thought he had seen, the Doctor backed away from her slowly and glanced back at the Tardis.

"Doctor, where the hell is Rose?" Mickey demanded, his voice rising.

"I'll get her back," the Doctor replied with a calm he wasn't sure he would ever be able to feel again. _Oh, Rose. I won't lose you. Not like this. I'm going to find you. No matter what, I'll bring you back._


	11. Searching near Cold Waters

**Chapter 11: Searching near Cold Waters**

_When tomorrow starts without me, don't think we are far apart, for every time you think of me I am right in your heart.  
-Anonymous_

Rose felt a sudden chill. She opened her eyes slowly and gasped. The world was tearing itself apart. Blackness shrouded the sky and the grass and trees around her were withering away slowly, turning to ash. Shadows danced around her like wolves surrounding their helpless prey.

She sat up slowly, a sickening horror charging through her mind.

"Oh, god."

She turned slowly and watched as the earth began to turn into dust, devoured by an insatiable void. Like dominoes, everything around her fell into the bottomless pit, leaving her trapped on an ever-fading island of dead grass.

The sky split open, a mouth full of sharp, bloody teeth, and a voice of darkness, low and raspy whispered, "Finally, Rose Tyler… you are mine."

_Hold on, Rose. Wait for me. I'm going to make this right again. _

He paced back and forth, ignoring the silence and the two humans sitting on the metal grating of the control room. _Where she is strongest… soul… heart… safe…._

"I don't get it," he burst out. "What do you _mean_? How can she just… just _disappear_like that? How can I bring her back from a place where her soul lives? That's not even a real place!"

_At least nowhere a physical being can venture._

Her golden eyes followed his mad pacing.

The Doctor froze in his footsteps. "Somewhere where only the mind can go—the soul."

"Doctor, what the bloody hell is going on?" Mickey asked tiredly, standing up and walking over to the Doctor. "Where's Rose?"

"A place where we can't go. Where Death haunts her—has trapped her."

"What?_What_?"

"But I can find her," the Doctor muttered. "I _can_ find her. I _will_find her. Where her heart resides, where she feels safest, where she is strongest."

"What are you going on about?"

"If I can find the place where she feels the safest, where her spirit is at its strongest, where her heart calls home, I can bring her back." The Doctor stared blankly at the wall. "But _where_? Where is it?

Mickey frowned. "Wait. It's obvious isn't it?"

"What's obvious?"

Mickey rolled his eyes impatiently. "Her heart's true home? Come on, and you call _me_the stupid one."

"Ri—Mickey, spit it out already!"

"I can't believe I'm reduced to handing out this kind of advice," Mickey muttered, shaking his head. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "_Your_ heart."

"What?"

"You, you stupid prat! God, she loved you. Where else would her heart even_consider_ calling 'home'? Given the option—well perhaps not in the future, given what happened today—Rose would probably stay with you forever even if all you showed her was death and terror. She loves—loved?—you."

The Doctor looked down at him in surprise. _Mickey the Idiot might need a new nickname after today_.

"Thanks," Mickey said with a smirk.

The Doctor looked at him in surprise. "Thanks, what?"

"What you said just now," Mickey replied, looking at him as though he had lost his mind.

"Oh." Apparently, he sometimes said what he was thinking out loud.

"Why are you referring to yourself in third person?"

Bollocks. Thinking about how to rescue Rose was really making it hard to multi-task.

"How in the world am I supposed to bring her back from… _my heart_? How can she even be there? It's not even a place! How can Rose—with her hair and legs and head—be inside of my heart?" He started pacing frantically, pulling at his hair. "_What?_"

"Maybe it's more metaphorical?"

"What does that mean?" he asked.

Mickey bit his lip. "Maybe she's not really _there_, there. Maybe… it's just that she's kind of somewhere we can't really find even if we do physically search for her. What if it's just that her heart is kind of… trapped inside yours? No, that's stupid. Wait, I know! What if her feels for you have bound her with your feelings for her? And she's actually somewhere that we will never be able to physically go unless Death drags us there? Like a void or something? Yeah, and all you need to do to bring her back is to find her strongest emotions and convince her to pull herself out." Mickey nodded to himself. "Or something like that," he amended lamely upon seeing the Doctor's incredulous expression.

"Mickey Smith, you are an absolute non-idiot!" the Doctor shouted with a grin.

"Erm… thanks."

"She's not in a place. She's connected to me. I have to reach her mentally and convince her to _want_ to come back, to fight it."

The Doctor grinned. This might not be so difficult after all….

His smile faded. "She has to _want _to come back." To this life. To here. To _me_.

Less than two months before, he could have said with confidence that _of course Rose Tyler would choose me. Of course, she would, because she would fight her way through hell itself to come hold my hand again so that she could protect me_. Now, everything had changed. She knew what it was like to not be his everything. She felt that he didn't love her—that somehow, he never had. She didn't lose faith in him—she had lost faith in _them_.

Meeting Sarah Jane had been like being doused with cold water for her. This last adventure had been like being shoved onto a thinly frozen lake for her, trying to accommodate him—as she had always had to do—while trying futilely to find a safe way back to shore…. And she had fallen because of his actions. And what was left of her once strong love shattered, dispersing through the cold while he had stood on shore, oblivious.

When he flounced back to her with Reinette in tow, he didn't even notice the change in Rose. How she was more distant and less reachable, covered with an invisible armor he would never have been able to penetrate even if he had noticed and tried. She had learned to protect herself against him.

_Oh, Rose… what have I done? _


	12. Going for the Kill

Chapter 12: Going for the Kill

_True courage is not the absence of fear—but the willingness to proceed in spite of it. -Unknown_

Long ago, before "run," she would have panicked. But now, she stood, swallowing her fear, hiding her trembling. "What do you want with me?"

Dark laughter dimmed an already blackened sky. "Always the brave one, little human child. Brave, yet so naïve. So… unsuspecting, hiding such fear, such life… such _power_."

"What are you talking about?"

"Your life is so fleeting, yet you stretch into forever. Your hand reaches to the beyond, to the before, when stars never were, and the after, when stars cease to be. Time herself, riding on your shoulder, traveling far and wide, darting out of my reach, with life in your hands and death forever trailing behind. A goddess lives within your veins, a song older than time and space just beyond your mortal thoughts. Such power just within your grasp and yet so far away, hidden in the abyss of your mind. The Bad Wolf howls, calling through the skies of the multiverse, across the Void, past all barriers from nothingness into eternity." The voice paused and Rose blinked in awe as the sky above her suddenly transformed, showing her millions of stars melting into nothingness, thousands of worlds, realities bleeding into and out of one another, space burning to ash and light streaking through the blackest reaches of the galaxies. "That is who you are, little human, big Bad Wolf. You are the beginning without end, and I am death."

whowhowhowhowhowho

"Right, I need you to do this. Think you can manage it?" He wasn't being condescending, he really wasn't. In fact, he was counting on the boy to pull this off. The Doctor put his hand on Mickey's shoulder and looked at him encouragingly.

Glancing down at the incredibly sharp, monstrosity of a pointed object in his hand, Mickey shook his head slowly. "Are you sure this is a good idea? Asking me to do this? I'm not exactly qualified, am I? I mean, what if my hand slips?"

"Glad to know you're so concerned about me, Mickey boy, but—"

"Oh, I'm not worried about hurting you," Mickey cut in blatantly. "I'd say you deserve any kind of pain coming to you after what you did to Rose. I just don't want to be left trying to pilot this ship with you exploding into light and changing your face, unconscious on the floor and Rose nowhere to be found. Even I'm not brave enough to face the wrath of Jackie Tyler."

On the edge of annoyance, the Doctor paused, swallowing his retort that Mickey probably would never even reach Earth let alone the right century on his own before realizing that yes, Jackie Tyler would be quite unforgiving. Even if the woman was billions—slight exaggeration—of years in the past, she would still find some way to hunt them all down for Rose. "Right. Just… take deep breaths and don't shake your hands too much."

Mickey gaped at him. "Don't shake my hands too much?" he echoed incredulously. "Have you taken a good look at this thing? It's twice the size of my legs, and I have to poke you in the 'exact, direct center' of your eye with it?"

"Well no one said this would be particularly easy. And besides, I'm the one who should be worried. If you slip even a little, I could go blind! Permanently!"

"There's a non-permanent kind?"

"If you know where to look," the Doctor replied seriously. "Now, just hold it steady. It's not my fault they never invented a smaller kind. The Lyranes had very large fingers and hands."

"What? You mean they're not even for Time Lords?"

The Doctor shrugged, now uncomfortable with the way the human boy was staring at him—as if he were quite dense. "No plan is perfect."

Mickey's eyes widened in horror.

"Look," the Doctor said, very much affronted and secretly, just a smidge comforted by the fact that Mickey was actually a little worried about him. "The Lyranes were a highly telepathic race. This device was made to open the mind, so to speak. Just do what I told you so we can get her back."

"Right. So I just stab you in the eyes with a five foot long version of a very badly shaped sword and hope that you don't go blind and instead somehow find your way to Rose and death and bring her back?"

The Doctor blinked, surprised that Mickey had caught on so quickly. "Yup. That about sums it up."

"Great."

whowhowhowhowhowho

Mickey didn't know whether or not the Doctor could hear the sarcasm dripping from his voice or oozing out of his eyes and brains, but he knew either way, the lunatic alien probably didn't care. He wasn't blind. He knew that Rose loved the manic nine-hundred-some Time Lord. And that the Doctor loved her back. He'd seen the way Big Ears had smiled at Rose, the way he'd looked at her as if she were the universe. And even though this one had muddied things up spectacularly, Mickey was sure that the Doctor would do anything to keep Rose at his side.

So as the Doctor lay down on the grating beside the console and looked up at him expectantly, Mickey did the only thing he could—he took an enormous breath for his life and positioned the Lyrane mind opener thing above the Doctor's left eye before letting out a very unmanly scream and stabbing down, praying to whatever deity was watching and laughing at them that moment that he hadn't just killed the last Time Lord in existence.

* * *

**AN:** Quite sorry about the lag. Haven't been much time to write. I will finish this though. Thanks for urging me to keep going!!


	13. The Hunted

Chapter 13: The Hunted

_Time herself, riding on your shoulder, traveling far and wide, darting out of my reach, with life in your hands and death forever trailing behind. –Howling at the Eternal Moon (Me)_

She couldn't move, and it wasn't for want of trying either. She wasn't so much angry as she was scared. She knew _why_ she couldn't move. She just couldn't understand why the Doctor now acted as if she hadn't existed at all.

Reinette barely registered the Doctor and the black man moving about, didn't even blink when the Doctor handed Mickey something that looked very sharp and very, very dangerous—she knew it wasn't meant for her; he had asked her along after all, kissed her even—but the moment the Doctor laid down on the floor of the time ship, she knew something very bad was about to happen. And she really didn't want to watch it happen, but for the life of her, Reinette could not even close her eyes. She raged silently at this Tardis, unable to blink let alone open her mouth.

And her stomach turned over as the black man brought the long weapon down into the Doctor's left eye. She screamed internally as the Time Lord jerked in pain and fell back unconscious. She didn't even notice the console glowing nor did she hear the soft lilting song filling the room. Instead, she did what the women of her time did best—she fainted.

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Mickey pulled the Lyrane device away from the Doctor and dropped it on the ground. Swallowing his nausea and his fear, Mickey knelt down beside the unconscious Time Lord as light filled the room and a song permeated the still air. He reached out a hand to check the Doctor's pulse and was relieved beyond words to find a strong—albeit disturbing—steady double pulse. Chancing a glance up at the Doctor's face, he was surprised to see that a river of blood was definitely not running down from his left eye. Sighing, Mickey shook his head a little and grinned weakly to himself. Watching all that football that been good for his aim after all.

Suddenly, everything was very funny. Too funny. His light chuckle grew until he was guffawing, rolling around on the metal grating, clutching his stomach. He laughed wildly until tears filled his eyes. His hysteria faded as soon as the tears slid down his cheeks. He took a deep breath and wiped away the wetness on his cheeks. Rose was still out there somewhere, stuck and in so much danger. And now, so was the Doctor.

Mickey reached into his pocket and took out the sonic screwdriver the Doctor had handed to him earlier. He checked it to make sure it was on the proper setting before going over to the time rotor.

He pulled down the screen and stared at it blankly for a moment. It was covered in swirls. He hadn't a single clue was he was looking at; they were random circles. _Must be his language_. Mickey blinked. _What do I do?_

As if just waiting for him to ask, the Tardis hummed softly in response, and at once, the screen was covered in a language he could understand. _Thanks_, he thought, secretly amused that he was talking to a ship. The room glowed soft yellow and he understood that she was happy.

Shaking his head a little, Mickey held up the sonic screwdriver and pressed the little blue button, hoping not for the second time that all hell was not about to break loose… _again_.

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"_That is who you are, little human, big Bad Wolf. You are the beginning without end, and I am death."_

"But what do you _want_?" Rose retorted, trading her fear for impatience. "And what does all that rubbish even _mean_?"

The voice, so full of dark and velvet laughed maliciously. "It means, Rose Tyler, that within you, Time herself lies dormant and hidden, disguised as" it said, and the world around them glimmered. "Bad Wolf." Suddenly, she could _see_, with such amazing clarity as she had been able to only once before, and a set of bottomless, dark eyes glinted down at her from the sky. As if those two words were a magical incantation, she remembered the few minutes of her life when she had harbored all of Time within her mind, bringing death and life simply because she wished it to be so.

"And finally, you awaken."

She glanced up into the eyes of Death.

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He hadn't really expected he would get it right on the first try. Really. But obviously, a certain Mickey Smith really was in great need of a new nickname. The Doctor glanced at the horrific landscape around him, growing more and more disconcerted by the moment. It was as if death had ravaged everything as far as he could see in every direction that seemed to stretch on into eternity. Not only that, something was very, _very_ wrong with the flow of time; the main problem being the lack thereof. "Impossible," he muttered, squinting around, until suddenly, he realized exactly what he was looking at, or more correctly, _who_.

"Rose…."

A smile almost ghosted his features before he realized that her eyes were shimmering gold and the sky she was glancing up at was most definitely _not_ just a sky.


End file.
